cry the night away..

tonight is halloween..yupiie <3
would be the shit if some of my friends dont want to go to those fucking parties..with costumes and all of this stuff.. x_x so now we re between the chairs..
halloween party or horror night with horror dvds and ghost stories?
im still at work. but fuckin tired..maybe i will sleep all night long and wont get anything of the 'halloween' night. i love halloween. but not at parties where all people think they need to dress to be cool. where all people are drunk. where the music is the biggest shit..
i want to sleep x__x
31.10.07 14:34


krank sein vs. blau machen

after i left school after the second lesson at 9.45 am yesterday because i am sick i thought about what people think when students arent in school..some people really believe that you are sick, some others think that you dont want to school because you dont like school or some other things..im sick. today i woke up at 5 am and thought about staying at home again, to get well. problem is, my mom dont want me to stay away from school and work even if i would die. my mom never stays at home when she is sick. but she isnt sick all the time. maybe once in a year. and when she was old like me her parents didnt allowed her to stay at home too. so thats maybe why i never can be in bed when i am sick. she always says "dont cry around, do something". but what when i cant do anything because im just so fucking sick with fever and all the stuff that i just have no "power" to do something? that means nothing to her. she doesnt say anything when my dad stays at home when he is sick. why it is okay for her when he is at home but when i am sick i am not allowed to stay at home? its because im a girl? Oo my mom says that all the boys always are like babies when they are sick. always crying around that they feel so sick and always telling everyone how bad they are feeling. and girls never cry when they are sick. thats what my mom thinks. so now i am sitting here waiting that my mom will leave for work so that i can go home again. it would be horrible to be in school, coughing around, having fever and fighting not to fall asleep. im fucking freezing and i think i wont get well that soon. but who cares? my mom obviously not. i have to wait for one more hour (i am waiting for 2 hours now). brutal crazy i know, but after my boss and some of my family and friends got sick too because of me and are annoyed because of my coughing i dont want to go anywhere until im totally well again. humans are crazy..
23.10.07 08:43


15.10.07 11:22


death is "naturally"..

[mood] thoughtfully
[music] nightwish - amaranth
_____

right. but why does it always gets the wrong persons in wrong timing?

why people, who get sudden sick cant heal suddenly? why do people feel great at the one day but at the next day they feel so bad?
why does this death reminds me so much of my 1st. died granny? =[
and again there is this fucking bad feeling..i know, i have to keep her in my mind as i knew her..but i really was dying to visit her in hospital as often as i could. i was dying to say to her "hey, here i am, how are you today, you wanna go out for a walk, you want something to drink?"
today i wanted to visit her again with my parents, because i knew, that it might happen soon.
i knew exactly, that my wish to see her again and the will to visit her again today was to late, when my mom was standing in my room at 5.30 am and looked at me with totally no emotion. "can you care about the dog today? m. [name unimportant] is driving to hospital right now and i will drive to p. [name unimportant too] that she wont be alone." i exactly knew it. "sure. what happened?" nevertheless the answer was like someone hits you right in your face. "she died few minutes ago.."

- dead silence -

14.10.07 21:34




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